Russia attacks Alaska; 4 Seabirds Die

Putin Rears His Head
Fierce fighting broke out today along the long disputed and heavily fortified Siberian/Alaskan border disrupting dozens of nesting seabirds and killing 4 of them. One Artic fox was reported injured.

Russian Prime Minister Valdamir Putin justified the attack warning that the U.S. must stop interfering in Georgia or “I will annex their guano covered rocks one by one,” a threat the US State department says we must take very seriously.

“It was awful,” reported one resident of Attu, a tiny island at the westernmost tip of the Aleutian chain, “Putin’s giant head just reared up and loomed over us! Praise Jesus that Governor Palin was locked and loaded and ready to rock and roll!”

Alaska Governor Sara Palin has long warned that Russia planned to invade the US via Alaska but everyone just called her an air-head. “Now 4 American seabirds are dead,” Palin lamented, “And I was planning on shooting those birds myself!”