Vice President Dick Cheney was hospitalized Wednesday after complaining of “a mild sense of remorse.”According to the Whitehouse physician, Dr. Richard Tubb, Cheney appeared to be suffering from "a spasm of conscience,” though he stressed that it was only in its earliest stages. “The Vice President was briefly haunted by thoughts of dead and wounded Iraqis, Afghanis and U.S. soldiers, the lamentations of their families and the shrieks of those tortured in U.S. custody." Dr. Tubb reported. "Even though the sensation soon passed, as his physician, I found the symptoms alarming given his history of heartlessness.”
Using a non-invasive fiber-optic procedure doctors at George Washington University Hospital were able to scan the vice president’s chest cavity and right next to the blackened shriveled organ they are accustomed to observing they located a small nodule of normal healthy heart tissue. A Hospital spokesperson reported, “Doctors were, of course, stunned to find even the tiniest functioning fragment of a heart in the Vice President’s chest but they were able to excise the growth without complications and we are happy to report that the Vice President is back on the job as a fully functioning sociopath.”
Vice President Cheney reported that he “felt great” before he returned to an undisclosed location to continue plans for war with Iran.
1 comment:
He immediately went home and beat his dog.
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