Large Americans Crowd Mall

WASHINGTON - Barak Obama’s inauguration as the 44th President of the United States was celebrated in true American fashion as large crowds of enormous people descended on Washignton from all over the country. Foreign reporters were awed by the spectacle. “There were Americans here of every race, creed and color but the one thing they had in common was that they were huge!” said popular French daily Le Parisien. “The sheer size of the people…it is truly unprecedented,” observed the Times of India. And the largest newspaper in Kenya, The Standard reported “They are massive, absolutely massive.”

But far fewer Americans than anticipated actually filled up the Mall. The crowd had been predicted to reach as many as 5 million but actual attendance was closer to 2 million. “We just couldn’t fit any more of them in,” said Linda Douglass, spokesperson for the inaugural team, “I mean maybe if they had been French, we wouldn’t have had to turn so many away.” As it was those who attended the swearing-in stood in line for hours with nothing to keep away the cold but plus size parkas and their God given insulation.