Homosexual Behavior: Christian Radio Host Assumes a Position

Bryan Fischer, radio commentator for the American Family Association has clarified his position relative to homosexual behavior speaking to Alan Colmes during his radio program Wednesday night.

“I am definitely on top of this issue, that is, when I am not out in front. Ever since ’69 I have had a position,” Fischer told Colmes, “though I admit that at times my position has changed.”

When asked by an incredulous Colmes if he was finally clear about what his position is, Fischer responded forcefully, “I have thought about this long and hard, and when it comes to homosexual behavior I believe every Christian man wants to take a strong position, and I am willing to get behind any man who does.”

In other news, Ted Haggard's wife is pleased to report that he is completely cured of "the gay".

Rich People Placed on Endangered Species List

It took the plucky and intrepid congresswoman from Minnesota, Michele Bachman, to get the nation to finally pay attention to the alarming decline in what is, to many like her, a beloved American demographic. “We are running out of rich people,” the plainspoken insane right-wing freak alerted the country this week, “The top 1% of wage earners currently make up only 1% of the population, and while that number is holding there no reason to believe that this will continue to be the case.” Her comments quickly motivated an emergency listing of rich people as an endangered species.

The listing makes unlawful any action the will directly or indirectly impact the survival of rich people such as taxation, prosecution of white collar crime, decreases in the flow of government bailout money or any reduction in the availability of a cheap and tractable servant class.

Santa Barbara and Martha’s Vineyard have been suggested as possible preserve sites for the rich which would likely lead to relocation of other demographics out of these areas, particularly the very-well-off who compete with endangered rich people for resources.

“Some people question why we need to save this demographic.” Congresswoman Bachman said in an emotional appeal on behalf of the beleaguered rich, “They say ‘aren’t they just useless parasites who contribute nothing to the economy and use up an obscene amount of resources? What are they good for?’ Well I think that is just sad and I have to think if these people just had a chance to take a stroll on Rodeo Drive and see the rich in their natural environment, to really see them in all their majesty, not just watching the Academy awards on TV, I think they would feel inspired to save them just as I am."

Obama Admits He is Muslim

WASHINGTON – Ushering in a new era of openness and transparency in the Whitehouse, Obama announced today that he was coming clean to the nation about his Muslim faith. “I am Muslim.” He said simply, laying to rest almost two years of speculation by insane right-wing freaks. “I am also a Communist,” the President added. “Oh, and a Nazi too.”

The President wasted no time issuing an executive order requiring all Americans to pray 5 times a day to Zoroaster while standing inside a flaming pentagram. The President also signed orders making available abortion on demand, even to people who are not pregnant, and requiring public schools to indoctrinate children into the homosexual lifestyle. “Because I am also gay,” he admitted.

The President also announced that “My first legislative priority is a bill that gives white Christian babies to Jews so they can drink their blood at Passover because I am also a Jew and a baby killer.”

“This is truly a historic day,” Obama told reporters, “I have now become the first Black Arab Muslim Nazi Communist Gay Baby-Killing Jew ever elected to the highest office in the land.”

In other news, Obama admitted that he actually hates puppies and instead has acquired this adorable cat as the new Whitehouse pet.

Author's Note: Trickstermom apologies for encouraging you too click on the links in this article. There are some rocks on the internet that it is better not to turn over. But the cat is cute. For more, check out http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/