Arrives in private miniature sleigh, 8 tiny reindeerWASHINGTON – Santa Claus appeared in front of Congress Monday to ask for a bailout of Christmas which some experts say may not be able to survive until December 25.
The Jolly Old Elf is requesting a rescue package of 1 million midnight snacks in order to stay in operation through the Christmas season. He explained, “Giving away toys is a very low margin enterprise and in an economic downturn we are expecting much less milk and far fewer cookies than in any time in our 200+ years of operation.”
But Senate Republicans are balking at stepping in to rescue the venerable institution. “I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. I mean here’s a guy, dressed all in fur from his head to his foot, whose belly shakes, when he laughs, like a bowl full of jelly and he’s asking the American taxpayer for more milk and cookies?” commented Senator Mitch McConnell.
President Bushed urged lawmakers to pass a rescue package lamenting “I screwed up just about everything in the last 8 years, and I don’t wanna git the demisation of Christmas on my watch too.”
But when it became clear that Senate Republicans would not part with even one cookie for what Senator McConnell referred to as a “socialist toy redistribution network,” Senate majority leader Harry Reid told reporters “This is going to be a very, very bad Christmas for a lot of people as a result of what takes place here tonight.”
As Santa left the chamber his eyes were not twinkling nor were his dimples merry, but some heard him exclaim sadly as he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”
