GOP Advises Refugee Children to Shelter in Wombs

As thousands of  child refugees from Central America cross the border into the US, straining the ability of the government to care for them, prominent members of the GOP are advising the children to seek  shelter in women’s wombs.  “It is the only place they will be safe in a Red State”  Gov. Rick Perry announced on Monday as he called 1000 Nationl guard troops to the border to deal with the crisis.

Even Louie Gomert, while calling on Texas to "to use whatever means, whether it's troops, even using ships of war" to halt what he terms an “invasion” conceded that he would absolutely not allow any child to be removed from a woman’s womb no matter where it came from or how it got there. “After all, I’m pro-life.”

Even anti-immigrant protesters who have been gathering at processing centers waving flags and screaming at the children, are carrying signs that say “Go Home or Get in a Womb!”               

According to Perry, “This is the only humane response I can suggest as it will not cause any expense, danger or inconvenience to anyone besides women.  Once the children are lodged in wombs the children will simply be a problem for American women and no longer a problem for The American People.”

When asked what he would suggest if American women refuse to open their wombs to needy immigrant children, Gov. Perry exclaimed, “What is the matter with these feminists?  Do they have no compassion?”

Women Flock to GOP after Huckabee Calls Them Sluts

Mike Huckabee’s comments at the RNC’s luncheon Thursday, calling women who want their health insurance to cover prescription birth control “sluts, hos and skanks” has resonated with women across the country causing a huge surge in their support for the Republican Party, according to recent polls.

Mary Beth Reynolds, a married mother of three and lifelong Democrat changed her party registration as soon as she heard Huckabee’s comments. “I am ashamed to admit that at first I didn’t think there was anything wrong with Obama requiring my health insurance to cover prescription birth control, but now I realize that it makes me an oversexed whore to even consider having sex now that I have all the children I want. My message to the Dems is: I am not a slut! I don’t need your birth control because I know how to keep my legs crossed!”

More and more women are deciding that the GOP is the party that best understands the appropriate role for government in women’s reproductive health.  “The government should limit itself to commandeering my body to act as an incubator for my rapist’s baby,” said Leslie Brown, an Atlanta schoolteacher. “ I mean when I need a government mandated trans-vaginal ultrasound, the Obama administration is nowhere to be found, but let me and my doctor decide I need birth control and suddenly there’s Obama, all up in my business, forcing my insurance company to pay for it like any other prescription medication. Talk about government overreach!”

With Huckabee’s success in reaching out to women with his, “You wouldn’t need birth control if you weren’t such a slut” campaign, the RNC is launching a new initiative to point out to women how the Democrats are condescending to them with anti-discrimination laws. They are calling it “He wouldn’t have fired you if you weren’t such a bitch.”