Mississippi Changes State Flag - Adds Swastika

In response to widespread calls for Mississippi to remove the confederate symbol from it's State flag, the Mississippi legislature voted this week to modify the flag, in use since the end of reconstruction in 1894, agreeing to add a swastika to the lower corner.

"After centuries of slavery, lynchings and Jim Crow, not to mention voting, by a 2/3 margin, in 2001 to keep the flag as it is, you would think our State had done enough to demonstrate that we just don't give a crap what y'all think," said Governor Phil Bryant, "but after the hatred we saw last week directed toward the Confederate Flag, we felt pressured to take this step just to make it crystal clear to the country and the world exactly where the people of Mississippi are coming from."

GOP Advises Refugee Children to Shelter in Wombs

As thousands of  child refugees from Central America cross the border into the US, straining the ability of the government to care for them, prominent members of the GOP are advising the children to seek  shelter in women’s wombs.  “It is the only place they will be safe in a Red State”  Gov. Rick Perry announced on Monday as he called 1000 Nationl guard troops to the border to deal with the crisis.

Even Louie Gomert, while calling on Texas to "to use whatever means, whether it's troops, even using ships of war" to halt what he terms an “invasion” conceded that he would absolutely not allow any child to be removed from a woman’s womb no matter where it came from or how it got there. “After all, I’m pro-life.”

Even anti-immigrant protesters who have been gathering at processing centers waving flags and screaming at the children, are carrying signs that say “Go Home or Get in a Womb!”               

According to Perry, “This is the only humane response I can suggest as it will not cause any expense, danger or inconvenience to anyone besides women.  Once the children are lodged in wombs the children will simply be a problem for American women and no longer a problem for The American People.”

When asked what he would suggest if American women refuse to open their wombs to needy immigrant children, Gov. Perry exclaimed, “What is the matter with these feminists?  Do they have no compassion?”

Women Flock to GOP after Huckabee Calls Them Sluts

Mike Huckabee’s comments at the RNC’s luncheon Thursday, calling women who want their health insurance to cover prescription birth control “sluts, hos and skanks” has resonated with women across the country causing a huge surge in their support for the Republican Party, according to recent polls.

Mary Beth Reynolds, a married mother of three and lifelong Democrat changed her party registration as soon as she heard Huckabee’s comments. “I am ashamed to admit that at first I didn’t think there was anything wrong with Obama requiring my health insurance to cover prescription birth control, but now I realize that it makes me an oversexed whore to even consider having sex now that I have all the children I want. My message to the Dems is: I am not a slut! I don’t need your birth control because I know how to keep my legs crossed!”

More and more women are deciding that the GOP is the party that best understands the appropriate role for government in women’s reproductive health.  “The government should limit itself to commandeering my body to act as an incubator for my rapist’s baby,” said Leslie Brown, an Atlanta schoolteacher. “ I mean when I need a government mandated trans-vaginal ultrasound, the Obama administration is nowhere to be found, but let me and my doctor decide I need birth control and suddenly there’s Obama, all up in my business, forcing my insurance company to pay for it like any other prescription medication. Talk about government overreach!”

With Huckabee’s success in reaching out to women with his, “You wouldn’t need birth control if you weren’t such a slut” campaign, the RNC is launching a new initiative to point out to women how the Democrats are condescending to them with anti-discrimination laws. They are calling it “He wouldn’t have fired you if you weren’t such a bitch.”

Homosexual Behavior: Christian Radio Host Assumes a Position

Bryan Fischer, radio commentator for the American Family Association has clarified his position relative to homosexual behavior speaking to Alan Colmes during his radio program Wednesday night.

“I am definitely on top of this issue, that is, when I am not out in front. Ever since ’69 I have had a position,” Fischer told Colmes, “though I admit that at times my position has changed.”

When asked by an incredulous Colmes if he was finally clear about what his position is, Fischer responded forcefully, “I have thought about this long and hard, and when it comes to homosexual behavior I believe every Christian man wants to take a strong position, and I am willing to get behind any man who does.”

In other news, Ted Haggard's wife is pleased to report that he is completely cured of "the gay".

Rich People Placed on Endangered Species List

It took the plucky and intrepid congresswoman from Minnesota, Michele Bachman, to get the nation to finally pay attention to the alarming decline in what is, to many like her, a beloved American demographic. “We are running out of rich people,” the plainspoken insane right-wing freak alerted the country this week, “The top 1% of wage earners currently make up only 1% of the population, and while that number is holding there no reason to believe that this will continue to be the case.” Her comments quickly motivated an emergency listing of rich people as an endangered species.

The listing makes unlawful any action the will directly or indirectly impact the survival of rich people such as taxation, prosecution of white collar crime, decreases in the flow of government bailout money or any reduction in the availability of a cheap and tractable servant class.

Santa Barbara and Martha’s Vineyard have been suggested as possible preserve sites for the rich which would likely lead to relocation of other demographics out of these areas, particularly the very-well-off who compete with endangered rich people for resources.

“Some people question why we need to save this demographic.” Congresswoman Bachman said in an emotional appeal on behalf of the beleaguered rich, “They say ‘aren’t they just useless parasites who contribute nothing to the economy and use up an obscene amount of resources? What are they good for?’ Well I think that is just sad and I have to think if these people just had a chance to take a stroll on Rodeo Drive and see the rich in their natural environment, to really see them in all their majesty, not just watching the Academy awards on TV, I think they would feel inspired to save them just as I am."

Clinton: Obama Should Visit Darfur, Congo

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told reporters today that she is encouraging President Obama to make a state visit to some of the world’s hot spots as soon as possible. Clinton is proposing an itinerary that includes Darfur, Congo, Gaza and Waziristan. “The President needs to shine a beacon of hope on the most lawless and violent spots in the world and I think the only way to do this is for him to go there personally. I am encouraging him to make this trip immediately and I strongly recommend that he be accompanied by Joe Biden, and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.” When questioned as to whether such a trip might be too dangerous, Clinton responded “Exactly.”

Senator Robert Byrd, who is President pro tempore of the Senate, disagreed strongly with the Clinton. “To send Obama, Biden, and Pelosi on a dangerous mission…that would leave me first in line to the Presidency…I’m old and, well, the shock to my system if that were to take place…I mean I nearly keeled over at the inaugural lunch when Teddy had his spell…I think it would do me in. And that would mean the Secretary of State would need to assume the Presidency and I’m sure Mrs. Clinton wouldn’t want that.”

Obama Admits He is Muslim

WASHINGTON – Ushering in a new era of openness and transparency in the Whitehouse, Obama announced today that he was coming clean to the nation about his Muslim faith. “I am Muslim.” He said simply, laying to rest almost two years of speculation by insane right-wing freaks. “I am also a Communist,” the President added. “Oh, and a Nazi too.”

The President wasted no time issuing an executive order requiring all Americans to pray 5 times a day to Zoroaster while standing inside a flaming pentagram. The President also signed orders making available abortion on demand, even to people who are not pregnant, and requiring public schools to indoctrinate children into the homosexual lifestyle. “Because I am also gay,” he admitted.

The President also announced that “My first legislative priority is a bill that gives white Christian babies to Jews so they can drink their blood at Passover because I am also a Jew and a baby killer.”

“This is truly a historic day,” Obama told reporters, “I have now become the first Black Arab Muslim Nazi Communist Gay Baby-Killing Jew ever elected to the highest office in the land.”

In other news, Obama admitted that he actually hates puppies and instead has acquired this adorable cat as the new Whitehouse pet.

Author's Note: Trickstermom apologies for encouraging you too click on the links in this article. There are some rocks on the internet that it is better not to turn over. But the cat is cute. For more, check out http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/