It took the plucky and intrepid congresswoman from Minnesota, Michele Bachman, to get the nation to finally pay attention to the alarming decline in what is, to many like her, a beloved American demographic. “We are running out of rich people,” the plainspoken insane right-wing freak alerted the country this week, “The top 1% of wage earners currently make up only 1% of the population, and while that number is holding there no reason to believe that this will continue to be the case.” Her comments quickly motivated an emergency listing of rich people as an endangered species.The listing makes unlawful any action the will directly or indirectly impact the survival of rich people such as taxation, prosecution of white collar crime, decreases in the flow of government bailout money or any reduction in the availability of a cheap and tractable servant class.
Santa Barbara and Martha’s Vineyard have been suggested as possible preserve sites for the rich which would likely lead to relocation of other demographics out of these areas, particularly the very-well-off who compete with endangered rich people for resources.
“Some people question why we need to save this demographic.” Congresswoman Bachman said in an emotional appeal on behalf of the beleaguered rich, “They say ‘aren’t they just useless parasites who contribute nothing to the economy and use up an obscene amount of resources? What are they good for?’ Well I think that is just sad and I have to think if these people just had a chance to take a stroll on Rodeo Drive and see the rich in their natural environment, to really see them in all their majesty, not just watching the Academy awards on TV, I think they would feel inspired to save them just as I am."
