CALIFORNIA -- On the first day that same sex marriage became legal in California, what promised to be a summer of fabulous weddings was disrupted when the sky abruptly fell.
Newlyweds Bradley and Stephen who were one of the first couples to marry under the new law were startled by the catastrophe. “Something was falling on my head and I thought it was the floral wedding arch which was, by the way, very tasteful,” commented Bradley. “But then, Oh my Goodnes! Ouch!” added Stephen.
Bradley and Stephen, it turns out, were lucky. From around the State there were reports of lakes of fire, sulphorous fumes, fissures opening up in the earth and swallowing the damned and at least one plague of locusts. “It was literally of Biblical proportions” according to the Governor who declared a state of emergency.
“Yea, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.” Stephen pointed out. “Which was unfortunate because it was right at the point in the ceremony when the singer was supposed to do “Evergreen.”
“There are simply not enough ways to say I told you so.” Commented James Dobson of Focus on the Family who has long warned of the dire consequences of gay marriage. “They opened up that Golden Gate and Satan said 'California here I come!'.”
Bradley explained that Satan actually officiated the wedding, “which was awesome for us because he was really in demand!”
“Though I’m not sure what he was thinking with that Argyle sweater vest, but whatever.” added Stephen.
When asked about reports of non-sinners being cast into the abyss along with the God-forsaken sodomites, Dobson replied “If Katrina and the AIDS epidemic taught us anything it is that God’s wrath is a blunt instrument. Don’t stand near gays next time.”
Newlyweds Bradley and Stephen who were one of the first couples to marry under the new law were startled by the catastrophe. “Something was falling on my head and I thought it was the floral wedding arch which was, by the way, very tasteful,” commented Bradley. “But then, Oh my Goodnes! Ouch!” added Stephen.
Bradley and Stephen, it turns out, were lucky. From around the State there were reports of lakes of fire, sulphorous fumes, fissures opening up in the earth and swallowing the damned and at least one plague of locusts. “It was literally of Biblical proportions” according to the Governor who declared a state of emergency.
“Yea, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.” Stephen pointed out. “Which was unfortunate because it was right at the point in the ceremony when the singer was supposed to do “Evergreen.”
“There are simply not enough ways to say I told you so.” Commented James Dobson of Focus on the Family who has long warned of the dire consequences of gay marriage. “They opened up that Golden Gate and Satan said 'California here I come!'.”
Bradley explained that Satan actually officiated the wedding, “which was awesome for us because he was really in demand!”
“Though I’m not sure what he was thinking with that Argyle sweater vest, but whatever.” added Stephen.
When asked about reports of non-sinners being cast into the abyss along with the God-forsaken sodomites, Dobson replied “If Katrina and the AIDS epidemic taught us anything it is that God’s wrath is a blunt instrument. Don’t stand near gays next time.”
As for Stephen and Bradley, what of their special day? “It was absolutely glamorous and wonderful up until the moment that God saw fit to rain down chastisement. But even though it didn’t turn out like we planned, it was definitely memorable!” observed Stephen. And for the honeymoon? According to Bradley “Believe it or not we had planned a trip to Hawaii Volcanoes National Park but after everything that has happened we’re thinking of changing to an Alaskan cruise.”
1 comment:
I love the picture of Lieberman and McCain. You are really funny. I love you!
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